i'm tired, but He's still good

I've been on a journey, and I'm tired... For the past 6 months, I've been on a journey. Looking back now, I'm not remorseful of anything that happened, "He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness" (Hebrews 12:10b). God, as a loving Father, disciplines us to better prepare us for our future dilemmas. Who better to sanctify us than a perfect and just God? The cool thing about the journey He took me on, was that I wouldn't have changed any of the pain, exhaustion, or anything else I went through. I don't want to go in to much detail, but I can't stop from typing this out, it's all for His glory. His presence is so evident and straight forward, I'd feel guilty keeping it to myself.

Our aim (as Christians) should be one of, complete and utter reliance on Him. When the first sign of evil slithers in to our lives, when Satan tries to ensnare us while we're tired, or even when we pass our final exam. Where or Who do we turn to? As Christians, it should be to God. "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (Matthew 6:33). Easier said than done I know, because I've been there, I'm still there. You see, for the longest time I knew that I was supposed to rely on Him first, but it took God taking me on a journey to really make that evident in my eyes. He brought me to the point of tears, and a realization that I'm INCAPABLE of doing anything good here on earth, without Him acting through me. He showed me that I'm not "all that" and I'm really not "a big deal". Something that I've been resting in, is that He is a big deal, and I serve a God who is all that. I can rest in His love.

For the longest time, I had this thing (let's call it dating) right in front of me. I'm stealing this illustration from Ben Stuart's last Breakaway message. I was living my life with my hand covering my face. My hand seemed big, because it was right in front of me. When God took my hand away from my face, I realized that (in comparison to everything else) it was rather normal. Just like dating, I thought it was such a big deal, because it was right in front of me. I wasn't obsessed or anything, but I was giving it more importance then was called for. Now that He's taken my hand down, I realize that dating is still great, but it's sooooooooo small in comparison to what God's doing in the world. If I'm supposed to date someone, He'll bring that person to me, as I'm running towards Him. Praise God for taking me through the desert, for sanctifying me in ways that I'm still not aware of. One thing that remained true through the past months, was the bountiful amount of manna He steadily laid upon me. His mercy was sweet and endless.

My prayer now is that, regardless of where I am in this life, I'd continually be running towards HIM. That I wouldn't be tainted by this broken world. My mindset would be fastened on following Him. Lord God give me an undivided devotion in You, "I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:35). This verse has really struck me this last week. What does it mean to have an undivided devotion with the creator of the universe? Simply amazing that He loves us so much. I've found the best medicine after going through such a journey, is rest. It's only been one week, but the time has not gone untouched by God. I'm ready to meet with God, to meet Him on the mountain. Next weekend I'm actually going camping, by myself, 50 miles away from College Station. I'm taking a bible, matches, cigars, hotdogs, and a machette. I'll literally be in the middle of no where, and hopefully around no one. I can't wait to see what God does with that time. You know...i said this before, but I really mean it. I wouldn't have changed anything, no, not one thing.

God, make me more like you, and less like this world.

Help my unbelief.

You are good.

a passion of mine

Over the last three summers, the Lord has blessed me immensely. I've had the great privilege of attending a mission trip that Denton Bible Student Ministries has put on, to Austria. I have never, truly, sat down and clearly written out my thoughts on Austria, except for my prayer journal. I could sit right here, in Coffee Station, drinking my oolong tea and write about my experiences until next week--still having more to say. So....I'm probably going to break the blog posts up, and talk about different experiences when they come up in memory.


Maxim "What is this?"

Summer of 2006. I'd been on a mission trip the summer prior, to Mexico, and going on another mission trip (in my mind) just wasn't an option for me. God had a different idea--that seems to be a recurring process in my life. Before leaving on the first ever High School Ultimate Adventure, Joe called me aside and flat out asked me to come on the Austria trip they were taking. I'd heard about the trip, when I was in Mexico the summer before, and it sounded pretty interesting--just never thought it was a realistic option. Well...I was wrong, and the Lord really pulled my heart towards Austria. I spent the remainder of the summer mentally and spiritually preparing for the trip of a lifetime.

The day came and we were there, in Austria. There was 8 in our group, 3 guys and 5 girls. The only guys were Joe, Jason, and myself. Being able to watch them run a mission trip, and simply watch them live life was truly an experience in itself. Anyway, let me get to the main point of this blog. Before we go to the ETC (English Teenage Camp) itself. We meet most of the kids at the train station, and ride with them all the way to Aigen. It never seems to fail, every year, it's always scary having to jump in to their, already secure, social groups. I was walking on the train, looking for someone to offer a seat for me, it didn't happen. Then I saw a kid sitting by himself, he looked lonely, so I chose to jump on the opportunity. I kind-of motioned (my kind-of communication) if I could sit down, and he nodded. I began "talking" with him, and it was A-mazing to watch God tear down walls between us. After a few minutes of waving my arms around, I got a name. Maxim.

For the rest of the train ride Maxim and I exchanged drawings to each other. I learned that he was a Russian refugee, only 13 yrs. old. He couldn't pronounce my name, so he called me what Keaton means in Russian--"fish". That's right, the rest of the week I was known mostly to Maxim as fish. The following week at camp, Maxim grew in to the hearts of everyone in our group. This guy was absolutely crazy, just ask anyone who was at the camp. He knew barely any English or German, so communication was very difficult. He would say things like, "What is this..." and "okay okay okay...". By God's grace, I got to spend a considerable amount of time with him. That was mainly because the schedule at camp gave us a ridiculous amount of free time during the week. Whether we were playing ping-pong, or running around in the gym--God was constantly at work.

The most rememberable moment I had with him happened during the designated "quiet time" time for the kids. Jason had sat with him a day earlier and not only shared the gospel with him, but found out some intense information about his childhood. I wanted to talk with him and see if I could simply "show" him the gospel--straight up, and maybe find out some more about him. When we sat down I started to draw up the "cross-bridge" illustration. It was clear that he knew the difference between heaven and hell; however, he thought that hell was the proper place to go. He knew that's where he was headed, and he was okay with it. At least, that's what I could tell from our our limited communication. He then started drawing pictures which represented his childhood. I won't go in to great detail, but when he was younger he witnessed his father being murdered by the Russian Mob. My heart broke, again, for this young boy--my friend. I still have that piece of paper, and that conversation is still imprinted in my memory--it'll never leave me. Before I parted with Maxim, he gave me a ring that he was always wearing. I keep in on my key chain now, reminds me to pray for my good friend Maxim.

I know I couldn't see any process with him spiritually, but I also know that God was working in his heart. Through and by God, Jason and myself had the privilege to show Maxim grace. Now his soul is completely in God's hands and will. All I can do, all we can do is pray. Maybe one day we will reunite somewhere, until then God bless Maxim.

the parting of the Jordan

"Then the LORD said, "I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites." ~Exodus 3:7-8

I absolutely LOVE the Old Testament. Praise God that He can use events that happened hundreds of years ago, too effect our lives today. I want to give a little background before you read the passage below. After 40 years of traveling, or wondering aimlessly, the Israelites (now led by Joshua after Moses' death) have come to their first test from God. Will they have faith in Joshua (who God chose), or choose to not have faith in God. It's the crossing of the Jordan River. That's right....get excited-cause I am! Keep in mind the verse up above when reading through the next few verses.

"Behold, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth is passing over before you into the Jordan. Now therefore take twelve men from the tribes of Israel, from each tribe a man. And when the soles of the feet of the priests bearing the ark of the LORD, the Lord of all the earth, shall rest in the waters of the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan shall be cut off from flowing, and the waters coming down from above shall stand in one heap."

"So when the people set out from their tents to pass over the Jordan with the priests bearing the ark of the covenant before the people, and as soon as those bearing the ark had come as far as the Jordan, and the feet of the priests bearing the ark were dipped in the brink of the water (now the Jordan overflows all its banks throughout the time of harvest), the waters coming down from above stood and rose up in a heap very far away, at Adam, the city that is beside Zarethan, and those flowing down toward the Sea of the Arabah, the Salt Sea, were completely cut off. And the people passed over opposite Jericho. Now the priests bearing the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firmly on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan, and all Israel was passing over on dry ground until all the nation finished passing over the Jordan." ~Joshua 3: 11-17

Simply amazing...........this blows my mind every time I read it. The Bible tells us that the Jordan River at that time was in its flood season. I did some research on the Jordan during the time the Israelites crossed, and found some thought-provoking information. The river at that time was at its deepest, widest, and swiftest. It's width was between 300-360ft, and it had risen 10-12ft because of melting snow from Mt. Hermon. In other words, this ain't no creek.

I love those passages because they show God's faithfulness in a really cool way. In the first verse God promises to deliver His people back to Canaan, and then even after 40 years He remains true to His word. He leads his people across the Jordan-which leads them to Jericho and then to Canaan. Just imagine the magnitude of this line, "all Israel was passing over on dry ground until all the nation finished passing over the Jordan". I love it! God remains faithful no matter what--He can't not be faithful. Just like He can't lie--even if He wanted to. We serve such a good and powerful God. A God not limited by anything, capable of everything.

"And when the priests bearing the ark of the covenant of the LORD came up from the midst of the Jordan, and the soles of the priests’ feet were lifted up on dry ground, the waters of the Jordan returned to their place and overflowed all its banks, as before." ~Joshua 4:18

God was in complete control. As soon as He (or the ark) was taken out of the river, it went back to the way it was. The power in the verse truly shows us the vastness of the God we serve. Just imagine a river being torn apart, flowing away so fast-like it was afraid, going miles in either direction. That's the God we serve.

Fact, God is faithful. He's faithful when we choose not to be, when we disown him, when we lose faith in Him, when we cling to our sin instead of Him, when we don't carry our cross daily-God remains faithful.

"if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot deny himself." ~2 Timothy 2:13

amen

why worry?

I've come to think that I don't give Him enough praise. He's deserving of all that I own, all that I make, all that I say or do. I know, I truly believe that.....so why is it so hard to trust Him sometimes. Why do I constantly find myself anxious or worrying. At this point in my life, I have A LOT of decisions to make. What degree I want to purse, what college to get that degree at, how to spend my summers, or even what to get at the coffee shop everyday.

Why worry? That question gets thrown around in my head a lot; however, continually seems to be unanswered. I know that I shouldn't be anxious all the time, but whenever decisions come up in my life, I tend to think about them too much. I tend to not trust God as much as I should. We should live our lives knowing and believing He is not going to let us fall, that we're safe in His hands. He's deserving of our unashamed love and trust simply because....

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves"
- Col 1:13

I was listening to a John Brown sermon on a podcast, and he was talking about a friend of his who lives his life by answering this question: What does faithful look like? I found that life becomes a whole lot easier if you simply try and answer that question. What does being faithful look like? Is it for me to stay here in Denton or go to Virginia? Go to college in this or that town? Do I need to serve here or there? Our goal in life should be to glorify God in everything we do, in who we are, in how we speak to others, in everything...When major decisions appear in my life, my first reaction should be prayer, but a lot of the time I simply think about it too much and drive myself completely insane! This is right where Satan tries to get me to fall; he gets in my head and stirs up my thoughts. A couple of months ago my friend and I were trying to answer this question, "How do we, or how can we guard our hearts". I found that the best way to answer it, and that question of why we needn't worry can be found in God's very own words.....of course :)

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by PRAYER and SUPPLICATION with THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will GUARD YOUR HEARTS and your minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7

I know for me personally, I used to read this verse and simply not see what I do now. This verse does not say may guard your heart, or sometimes guard you hearts. The peace of God WILL guard your hearts---praise God! My friends this is a promise, that if we give our requests/concerns to God with thanks and prayer, He will guard your heart. Ahhh I like that...I'm personally going to try and live by this verse a lot more than I have been.

My prayer now is that prayer would be the first thing I run or cling to.

I want to end this by writing this verse. I know there are many reasons to not worry; however, this one comforts me more than any.....by far!

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN MANY SPARROWS."
-Matthew 10:29-32


amen---so why worry?